Shyness is everywhere. Some of it is learned, but some people are born shy. Some estimates suggest that about ten percent of babies are born shy, with around half of people identifying as shy later in life. Shyness isn’t the same thing as introversion, though, as shyness involves being afraid of how other people may be judging you.

Sexting can intensify shyness since it means being vulnerable with someone you may not know all that well. But it can also help overcome shyness. So, if you’re interested in sexting someone shy, here is what you need to know about shyness to ensure the sexting goes smoothly.

Causes of Shyness

Though some people are born shy, a lot of shyness springs from social interactions that didn’t go well. This means that some people can have difficulty opening up, especially when there are multiple people around. The one-on-one nature of texting will help combat this type of shyness. 

Others might be shy because of a lack of self-esteem. And still, others might be shy due to a lack of self-awareness of memories of being bullied or judged harshly by their peers. Understanding the causes of someone’s shyness can help you be empathetic to them. And it can also mean that you can help them come out of their shell.

Even Professionals Are Shy

Yes, even people who are professional cammers and sexters can sometimes feel insecure and, worry about the way other people see them. What can help is forming a genuine relationship with the person you are sexting. A connection can help override your nerves. This professional host said that she becomes very close to the people she interacts with, even counting some of them as friends.

If you’re with someone who gets shy whenever the topic of sex comes up, know that it’s very normal. Judging them for being shy will only make the situation worse. Instead, use some of the tips below to gently help them open up to you.

Tips for Overcoming Shyness

Some of the shyest people turn out to be the boldest, most daring sexters. So if your partner is shy, helping them overcome it (if they are interested) can mean a lot of seriously hot sexting is in your future.

First, try to understand why they are shy and address their fears. If you can pinpoint one of the reasons listed above as the cause of their shyness, you can help circumvent it. If it’s a lack of self-esteem, shower them with compliments, especially after the first time they send you a racy text or a nude photo. If they have social anxiety due to being bullied, make sure they feel safe around you. The more comfortable they feel with you, the more they will be able to let down their hair when you sext.

Then remember that shyness doesn’t mean a lack of sexual thoughts—it’s just that shy people are reticent to share them. Sexting with someone shy doesn’t mean they are putting on an act. Rather, they are displaying a side that they don’t show many people. It’s crucial to treat their vulnerability with care and caution.

Sometimes sexual shyness can come from a lack of experience. Your partner’s quietness may be a sign that they don’t know exactly what they want from a sexting encounter. Or they aren’t sure what to say. If you get this impression, try taking the lead and come up with ideas of how the conversation will be structured. That can take the burden off them to come up with something creative in order to make the conversation interesting.

Next, don’t rush them. Adding pressure to a situation that’s already loaded with anxiety can make the shy person feel like exiting the conversation as soon as possible. If the sexting progresses more slowly than you would like, try to enjoy the anticipation and be patient. Once your shy partner fully warms up, chances are that the sexting will get more intense as well.

If they freeze up, don’t panic. Sometimes shy people might respond to one of your sexts with “I don’t know how to respond to that.” Rather than understanding a text like this as rejection, try to problem-solve with them. Do they want to go slower? Is it a bad time to sext right now? Are they having trouble focusing? Tackling their anxiety as a team will help them feel less isolated by their shyness, and it can help them open up to the wonderful world of sexting in ways they haven’t before.

Sexting Is a Natural Antidote to Shyness

Sometimes, sexting will help shy people become bolder than they are in real life. The privacy that sexting provides and the ability to think before you react means that your shy partner might be braver than you’ve ever seen them. If this is the case, lots of positive reinforcement will help them continue to access their daring side. Keep all of your comments encouraging and light, and let them know how much they turn you on. This will help them build their sexual confidence—something that you both will certainly benefit from.

If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Sext

It’s important not to beg. If your partner tells you that they are uncomfortable with sexting, you must be okay with the answer they gave you. While this might change in the future, you can’t count on it. Be understanding but let them know about your needs as well. If you want to have sexting be a part of your life, ask how they would feel if you sexted other people. Opening your relationship can be a bonding experience that helps both of you get your needs met in healthy ways. Not having adventurous fun (like sexting!) is a deal-breaker for some people, so it’s essential to let your partner know if this is the case for you.

Lastly, if you do want to find a partner for sexting, use a site that protects your privacy and verifies the ages of all its users.