Best Morbid Jokes to Crack You up

morbid-jokes

People with different personalities prefer different kinds of humor. But one of the types of humor that is loved by masses is the dark, morbid one. Morbid jokes have the tendency to give a good laugh to you and the people around you.

So, the next time you go to a boring office party or if it’s a dull day at work, crack some morbid jokes and watch the crowd burst into laughter. Since it can be difficult to find the right morbid jokes that can entertain everyone, you need to pick those that have the right balance of light and dark humor.

Let’s get started!

“My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.”

Well, that’s something none of us were expecting, but that’s the recipe of a good joke, isn’t it? Handling children can be challenging, so we can understand these parents putting them up for sale.

At the beginning of the joke, it sounds like the couple doesn’t have any children yet; however, when you move forward, you realize that they have already had children, but it’s just that they have got enough of them and are ready to send them away.

“Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.”

This dark joke is what you need to make you smile throughout the day. We all have someone or multiple people in our life who we despise with all our hearts. These people might not be as useless as you think of them to be. They can make your day, but all you have to do is give them a little push and let the feeling of satisfaction grip your body and soul.

Most importantly, this goes without saying that this is only for jocular purposes, so it’s best not to experiment with this on someone. The best way to deal with such people in your life is to beat them with the power of your sarcasm.

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.”

Jokes based on idioms are easily the wittiest and best ones. We all have been hearing this idiom forever, but for once, it is actually making sense. We all have had apples every day, but still, the doctor never stays away. Now the last resort is to throw the apple at the doctor to keep them at bay.

The case is entirely different for the ones who are married to a doctor or have siblings who are doctors. In this case, no matter what you do with the apple, the doctor is going to be around all the time.

“Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.”

Hurting someone emotionally is too cruel as it stays with them for the rest of their lives. Moreover, hurting emotionally means breaking their heart, so the better alternative is to break their bones because they just have one heart, but 206 bones and bones will recover, unlike a broken heart.

“My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.”

This is what happens when you don’t take threats seriously. It may seem like this person had it coming for some time. The wife gave him a warning beforehand instead of slamming his head on the keyboard out of the blue, but this guy chose violence.

As it is obvious from the joke, he did not get to say what he wanted to say as his wife had run out of patience and had already slammed his head. The random alphabets in the joke are the result of slamming the head on the keyboard. The lesson in this joke is to always take the warning seriously.

“As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.”

This is one of the best morbid jokes we encountered that left us in fits of laughter. In the beginning, it looks like this person is speaking emotionally, but later in the second sentence, he breaks it to us that the people he lost were tourists whom he lost during tour guides. It took him a while to realize that tour guiding isn’t the best choice for him but better late than never.

“It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.”

Vocabulary is important; there is no doubt about that. Anecdote and antidote are two terms with distinct meanings. Anecdote is a short and funny story; on the other hand, an antidote is a cure for diseases.

This person clearly wasn’t aware of the fact that a short story doesn’t have the tendency to cure his good friend. His poor knowledge of vocabulary cost him his friend’s life. The English language can be confusing at times, so make sure your vocabulary game is strong so that you don’t give an anecdote to a dying person instead of an antidote.

It is about time you take charge and turn your boring days into fun ones without putting in too much effort with the help of morbid jokes. Good quality morbid jokes are pretty hard to come by. That’s why we have gathered all the best morbid jokes in one place.

Cracking these jokes at a boring party will bring the element of fun to the party so you can have the best time instead of being bored.