Nine Funniest Marriage Jokes

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We all know that marriage isn’t easy. What better way to shed light on marriage than with marriage jokes? Light-hearted jokes that make you laugh will change the mood of anyone around you.

Humor releases dopamine, a happy hormone that can help people get over sad moods. If you’ve got a knack for cracking good jokes, you are automatically seen as confident and attractive.

Your wedding speech with all the funniest marriage jokes should be the toast to the newlywed couple, no matter whether you are a bridesmaid or a best friend of the groom. Otherwise, there are some good ones that you can use to entertain your own partner.

Let’s get started!

“The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are ‘I apologize’ and ‘You are right.’”

This marriage joke is absurdly true on so many levels. These five essential words basically sum up life after marriage. Some partners are likely to give up on an argument and accept the fact that the other person is right.

While others would simply apologize and move on because they definitely care about their partner and wouldn’t want to lose them over petty issues. Do remember these golden words!

“Arguing with your wife/husband is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the Internet. In the end, you just give up and say ‘I agree.’”

Well, almost everyone is guilty of checking the box and proceeding without reading the entire terms and conditions.

Likewise, if your partner is someone who argues a lot about simply everything, you’ve got no option but to surrender your weapons and move on. This marriage joke does speak the truth about what marriages are really like.

“There was a man who said, ‘I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late.’”

One of the amusing marriage jokes that most of you can relate to. Getting married is like dining with our friends in a restaurant. When you order what you want to eat, you see that your friends are also ordering a variety of other dishes and kind of wish that you had also ordered those dishes. That’s how marriages are like for most people across the world.

Young Son: “Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad: “That happens in most countries, son.”

If you think you know your better half so well before marrying her, you could be wrong. It’s all fun and games until you get married to the love of your life only to later realize that you haven’t known her so well in all those years.

On the other hand, there are some countries where there is a tradition that a groom isn’t even allowed to see his bride, let alone talk to her before her marriage. Both of the concepts are similar.

“I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.”

Another humorous marriage joke that can be quite offensive as well. There are times when you don’t really know what the problem is in your marriage. But over a period of a few years, you may be forced to believe that your partner is the main problem.

So the joke makes light of the fact that a frustrated partner may have already imagined a life without their better half.

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”

You don’t really know what pain is until you get a piercing on any part of the body. Piercings shouldn’t be restricted to one gender.

Just as women love their piercings, similarly guys find it to be attractive because they want to enhance their beauty and look confident.

Likewise, marriage is a rollercoaster of emotions. You experience happiness, sadness, dilemmas, and pain. Making a responsible decision is like buying jewelry. You have to put so much thought into it before making the decision of buying it.

“My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of the house.”

Most people wouldn’t mind cracking a light-hearted joke at the expense of their partner. It’s a great one-liner joke that basically describes the husband and wife relationship.

If your partner is asking for space, it means that he/she needs some time to unwind her thoughts.

Having personal space in a marriage doesn’t have to be a bad thing because it helps you to prioritize yourself, and make better choices while you’re still married. So, if your partner tells you that they need space, shut her out. That’s a joke!

“If I’d known you were this poor, I’d never have married you. Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?”

This is hilarious yet soft humor that would surely make your partner smile. It is one of the marriage vows that both the partners will remain with their beloved until death separates them even if the person isn’t financially settled.

Getting married is like working on a team project where both partners must work hard to succeed. It takes blood and sweat to reach your goals.

You should always know to whom you are marrying, what they think about finances, doing chores together, and more before getting married.

“They say love is blind and marriage is an institution, so why go to a blind institution?”

It’s true when people say that love is blind but marriage can be a real eye-opener. In a marriage, there will be times when you fall into arguments with your partner and both of you have different choices in life. Never let it diminish the spark between you two.

Marriage is real hard work that requires commitment and dedication. Don’t be blinded into marrying someone who isn’t on the same page as you. This would cost you your mental peace.

You’ll find a long list of marriage jokes, but you need to make sure whom you’re cracking the joke with. Roast or toast to the newly married couples with these jokes.