Top 10 Jesus Jokes That Are Funny Without Being Offensive

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Religion is a very sensitive topic and quite personal for everyone. Everyone has different beliefs and they do not deserve to get ridiculed because of what they believe in. There is no point in making a joke at someone else’s expense. Sadly, people often end up making jokes that target others’ beliefs.

The Internet is also full of such jokes that only exist to hurt others. However, you can find a bunch of completely harmless jokes too. You can learn harmless Jesus jokes and share them with your family over your next Christmas dinner to get a few laughs.

10 Best Jesus Jokes

There is nothing you can’t find on the Internet. Even religious jokes are not out of the question when it comes to the Internet. However, instead of attacking the religious choice of people, you can go for puns and harmless jokes. There are a lot of Jesus memes on the Internet. Although there are a lot of offensive Jesus jokes, you can easily stay away from them.

Let’s take a look at some funny ones that are safe to crack!

Jesus Take the Wheel

Although it is more a phrase than a joke, it is definitely the best one. The phrase can be used both seriously and jokingly. These words, “Jesus take the wheel,” basically mean that someone is asking for divine intervention.

Some people say this in times of need or when they cannot handle things while others use it casually as well. The phrase is also made popular by a Carrie Underwood song so you may already be familiar with it!

I Can’t Believe It’s Not—

Everyone knows the phrase I can’t believe it’s not butter. But what if it was used to make a pun and a Jesus joke at the same time? Sounds impossible? Well, not for the Internet. The Internet can accomplish anything. Here’s how this joke goes:

“Have you heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine?”

He said, “I can’t believe it’s not Buddha.””

Now, you can’t deny this did not make you laugh out loud.

A Tea Joke

Puns will never get old, whether they are about Jesus, tea, or both. They are definitely going to make your audience laugh. They might also annoy your audience a bit if they are hard to understand. They also remind people of dad jokes, which is why they are often looked down upon. But they can be pretty funny at times.

“How does Jesus make tea?”

“He-brews it.”

Accord-ing to the Internet

There are plenty of car jokes about Jesus and they are all equally funny. Making car puns about Jesus is popular because of various reasons. Well, there’s no point in explaining it. You will get it once you read this joke:

“Jesus drove a Honda, but never talked about it. Why?”

“Because he said: ‘For I do not speak of my own Accord.’”

The Best Ham

There are so many different types of ham. Each recipe requires a different type of ham. But do you know what Jesus’s favorite type of ham was? You are about to find out.

“What was Jesus’ favorite type of ham?”


There is something beautiful about such puns that can make people laugh without hurting their sentiments. If you are craving ham right now, that’s no one’s fault.

Paying for Our Sins

Some of the best jokes on the Internet come from Tumblr. The best part about Tumblr jokes is more often than not, they are created unintentionally. One user asks a question, another user responds and boom, a joke is created. One such joke is about how Jesus paid for our sins. Here’s how it goes:

“Did Jesus use cash or credit to pay for our sins?”

“No, he used praypal.”

Now, that’s the kind of payment method that only someone like Jesus could use.

Another Car Pun? Why Not

The Internet is never going to get tyre-d (pun intended) of making car puns about Jesus and his disciples. The public also can’t get enough of car puns. Here’s another take on the Accord pun and this time, it is about the disciples of Jesus:

“Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time?”

“Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.”

A Stand-up Comedian’s Take

Stand-up comedians have the power to tell jokes on anything and everything. Some of them choose to joke about controversial topics and end up featuring in news articles. While others pick sensitive topics and still manage to make harmless jokes. They are the ones who can joke about sensitive topics such as religion without hurting the sentiments of their audience.

A Muslim stand-up comedian told this joke in a session and won over his audience instantly:

“I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?”

Now, that’s how you do comedy. When you tell jokes like this one, you can make people laugh without attacking them.

The Last Car Pun, Promise

You must be tired of the car puns by now, but this is a bit different. It does not rely on accord to make a joke.

“What kind of car did Jesus drive?”

“A Christ-ler.”

You are going to love this joke a lot if you have a Chrysler.

Jesus, the Superhero

Everybody loves superheroes. But not everyone knows that Jesus was a superhero. Now, you must be wondering how and which one. Well, here are the answers:

“Jesus was the Black Panther. Why? Because he Wakanda water.”

Now, you know. The power Jesus held truly made him a superhero in both old and modern times.

Cracking insensitive jokes does not make you appear popular or “hip.” Many people turn to the Internet to find memes and jokes. But when the Internet only offers insensitive jokes on certain topics, people begin to think there are no alternatives. To save you all from the trouble of finding harmless Jesus jokes, we browsed through the Internet and compiled the best ones for you.

You can share these jokes with everyone without having to worry about hurting the sentiments of your friends and family members.


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