Pedophile Jokes That Can Make Anyone Cringe


Dark comedy is all about crossing lines and getting people to talk about important issues. However, there are some subjects that should be avoided as they can trigger people and result in strong backlash as well. You may come across many such inappropriate jokes that could leave you cringing or backing away in anger. Sometimes, people might crack jokes on pedophilia or assault as well.

If you think about it, these are categories that rarely include anything funny and joking about such things can be quite offensive. In case you do decide to share some pedophile jokes, be prepared to get a lot of judgmental stares from the audience.

Let’s take a look!

“My pharmacist thinks I am a pedophile. He keeps putting labels on my pills telling me to keep away from children.”

This might be the most inoffensive joke that you may find on this subject. If you decide to share it with a few close friends, you could get away without shocking people. The humor is derived from some common instructions that are featured on most medicines. Mostly, pharmacy labels or boxes come with the directions that say, “keep away from children.”

The joke becomes slightly inappropriate as it associates those directions with pedophilia. It is best to avoid sharing this in front of colleagues or at a family dinner as you could raise a few questions about your sense of humor.

“My girlfriend and I walked into a local bar last night and everyone started calling me a pedophile and a criminal only because I’m 43 and she’s 20. It completely ruined our 10th anniversary.”

Cringing really hard at the punch line? Well, you are certainly not alone! The joke is quite dark and makes light of an incredibly serious issue that can trigger a lot of people. It takes into account the age difference between the couple, where one partner is nearly 23 years older than the other.

While this joke aims to put a humorous spin on a terrible relationship, you can see how it would be very poorly received by many people. In case you want to share it among a group of friends, you should consider your audience carefully and make sure that it doesn’t come off as insensitive or offensive.

“Why are pedophiles terrible Blackjack players? They don’t hit on anything over 14.”

This one might bring out a few awkward smiles or have some people shaking their heads at your sense of humor. The humor is derived from how a pedophile may be bad at Blackjack as they cannot reach a high number in the game. Given that the format is quite dark and can be considered highly inappropriate, this joke is less likely to make people cringe.

There are a lot of comedians who don’t really think about picking up topics that are uncomfortable as they want their audience to start a conversation. However, it is always a good idea to blur the lines in dark humor instead of wiping them. This way, you can avoid being hurtful and get appreciated for your jokes as well.

“One in every 10 people in North America lives next door to a pedophile. Not me. I live next door to a smoking hot 8-year-old.”

Now, you might have heard or seen this before as it is one of those pedophile jokes that has made it into a lot of other categories too. The joke takes into account the serious statistics about dangerous people who can live in the neighborhood. Sometimes, they may not even be registered as offenders. It puts a spin on a situation where a pedophile could be living next to a youngster.

The joke can be quite triggering and bring out more than a few shocked gasps as well. This may not work with a large number of people, which is why you avoid letting it slip in public. Otherwise, you could get a lot of judgmental looks and cringing faces in the audience! 

“What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear? White Vans.”

Get this one? It’s a bit harmless and you might be able to crack it at a dinner table with friends or siblings. The joke makes a play on the popular Vans shoes, which are preferred by a lot of people for their comfort and style. It relates them with “white vans,” that are often associated with criminals. If you have ever seen a thriller cop show or you are a fan of Law and Order, then you may find this quite humorous.

The vans are usually big but can easily escape detection if there are multiple people inside. Mostly, small children are told to stay away from “strangers in vans.” This joke brings that into account and adds humor to something that could be quite harmful and traumatic.

While you may not be judged for the humorous punch line, it could still make a few people uncomfortable. So scan the room carefully before sharing the joke at a party!

“What do you call a mall Santa in July? A pedophile. You call him a pedophile.”

Well, this one is certainly a bit funny and may not get you into any trouble. The humor comes from how the presence of a mall Santa in July can be inappropriate. There is no reason for them to take pictures with families and children as Christmas is almost half a year away. If you think about it, the joke also has a warning for adults and parents.

In case anybody sees a Santa during the summertime in a mall, they should report it to the authorities immediately. It might just be someone with the wrong intentions.

Most pedophile jokes are nothing to laugh at and can make anyone cringe. It is best to avoid making them in front of people who you don’t know and would be likely to judge your sense of humor. If you want to initiate a discussion or debate, make sure that you add in jokes that play it slightly safe and might be less triggering.